Lupita Nyong’o at the 86th Annual Academy Awards.
The key to not misgendering strangers is to stop gendering strangers.
Tonight on Tumblr I saw a strikingly beautiful POC with gorgeous dreadlocks and tattoos; I reblogged the post because loveliness.
I saw the post kicking around about “I hate seeing children at gay pride rallies”, and reblogged it.
Combined, these stirred up Old Things in my mind.
I knew about male homosexuality when I was four or five. My father did an absolute shit job: First he told me the neighbor down the block, whom we were visiting, was “homosexual” (specifically that word); I asked what that was. Fine so far, and maybe I did ask a question that didn’t make my father’s first comment as out-of-the-blue as I remember it, like whether he had a wife or something.
My father, in his … inestimable… “brilliance”… decided to tell me that being homosexual meant sucking on other men’s penises.
That was it. That’s the whole thing I knew at that age. It would be another 3 years before I would get any explanation of heterosexual sex and that it involves procreation; around that age, I thought kissing was how you made babies. And when I did, sex was couched explicitly and exclusively in terms of something that “people who love each other very much” do, and never with any kind of mechanical-procedure details. And I’d seen my father naked around the house—showers, etc.—and I would not describe him as “small”, especially from the perspective of a young child. So I, with my vivid, cinematic-dream imagination, proceeded to be horrified-obsessed, like someone who reads all the serial killer novels they can find and then shivers themselves to sleep every night.
I still am, some ways. Certainly, I am terribly afraid of being raped by men; a woman has actually violated my consent, leaving me terrified I’d gotten the woman pregnant while simultaneously frightened I’d been exposed to an STI (in 1996, my HS world swirling with the RENT soundtrack and fears of death from AIDS). And that still leaves me feeling sick to think of, to describe, nearly 20 years later. But the thing that makes me walk fast, that makes me turn back around after I step through a door, that makes me avoid dance clubs and dancing anywhere ever and bars, that makes me pause at the thought of wearing clothing I would feel good to wear, that I would feel like I look good and true to me anywhere public, is being a lesbian trans woman mistaken for a gay cis male drag queen and getting fucked and beaten and left to drag myself to a hospital with broken hands and broken feet. It doesn’t even matter if the men are gay or not, though gay men hitting on me freaks me the fuck out, because what if they don’t listen to my “no”? Women haven’t listened to my “no”, to my “wait”, and I watch men run over women’s “nos” in all kinds of contexts all the damn time.
So no. I don’t find men attractive, practically ever; one gloriously sweet and wonderful trans man is the sole exception, as the one flitting attraction to a cis man seems to me to have been all mixed up in my first learning that poly could be a thing and wondering about threesomes and genuinely liking the guy as a friend (which happens but isn’t common for me. I don’t trust men. I don’t trust me, either, but I work at keeping me in line.)
88 years? oh maybe it’s just a phase for him
Gee, I found an academic article that finds that AFAB children are rewarded for gender non-conformity whereas AMAB children are punished and attempted to become reintegrated into masculinity. How…
I’ll repeat that, for those it’s hiding from: “TODAY IN SHOCKING NEWS: There is no non-pejorative DMAB counterpart to being a “tomboy.””
Kevin Smith on the his ideal film rating board from This Film is Not Yet Rated
If you don’t understand why people don’t like the big bang theory, once in an episode the cast was at a comic store browsing and a woman walked in, and one of the leads said “Is she lost?” and that was the joke.
So i know i run dwarves differently than most GMs
but it seriously makes more sense to me than a patriarchy because imagine this - you exist in a culture with no outward indication of gender that places enormous value on caves and mining
and you finally leave and meet these weird tall people
#gender #gender is irrelevant except in producing children #and